Dragging a Dead Deer Up a Hill - Grouper
GROUPERDragging a Dead Deer Up a Hill, 2008 | |
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It's queued.
1, 0:00, Disengaged
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How are you thinking?
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For months now, I have been running. Running because it makes me feel good in my head. No purpose beyond that really. Just legging it.
Every time I run, I come across many introspective questions, some repeatedly, some fleetingly, some which I undoubtably have forgotten about. One that sticks with me most is judgement.
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| Liz Harris performs under multiple other aliases too, including Mirrorring, Helen, Slow Walkers, NIVHEK and her own name. |
Naturally, we all make judgements. This is a fact, built into our DNA through centuries of necessary evolution to have us as people survive the mental hazards of living amongst each other and other life forms.
I feel it is crazy to think of how our capacity for judgement is a tool each of us have been given for survival from thousands upon thousands of ancestors. Yet, despite its cruciality in placing us here, it can cause such detriment to our daily lives.
Whenever I see people running, whether they be strolling, sitting, sprinting; whether it be uphill, downhill, slow or fast, my natural thought process looks to judge them. What are their aims? What are their thoughts? Will they smile back? Why might they be looking at me?
So many questions race through my mind as I race on through the parks. Luckily, these are all light-hearted judgements, never with intentions of perpetuating fear, anger or resentment (except for when they are headed down a hill which I am yet to have summited!!).
I wonder for how much negativity the racists, prejudices, and xenophobes of the world experience before their respective judgements are plunged into the realms of malice.
2, 2:28, Heavy Water/I'd Rather Be Sleeping
It feels like a sore reminder to us all who have ever desired falling to wherever the deepest currents fall, along with a refreshing clean wash of acceptance and embracement of oneself.
3, 2:20, Stuck
I sit here in bed, tired. It's been a long few months, filled with darkness for all of us, physically and mentally. Isn't it strange to think this is likely to be one of the most difficult times of our lives?
Forgetting the luxuries and gratitude we all should try to align our headspaces with where possible, it is very rare in human history that any form of physical connection with one another is beyond an impossibility.
I do feel the past two years have at least halted the snowflake agenda being superimposed upon young people. Everybody is discovering their mental demands throughout this pandemic, and each person is needed to shed guidance and light upon one another. I hope this will result in much needed replenishment to the apparent generational gaps of today.
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| The name "Grouper" comes from her upbringing. She grew up in a Fourth way commune centred around the practises of George Gurdjieff, a Russian philosopher. The collective look to harmonize and amalgamate the mind, the emotions, and the body. With the community often referred to as "The Group", the moniker inspiration is clear to see. |
4, 0:44, When We Fall
This diversity of sounds on this album is what truly amazes me. Whilst maintaining a stripped back acoustic approach, that plucking percussion on "When We Fall" bring a richness to the music, like a musical embodiment of the emotions of some wounded entity.
Hm.
How interesting that that is where my current reflections have unintentionally brought me given the albums' title.
5, 1:50, Travelling Through a Sea
It is so difficult to know who you truly are at all these days. I feel this is a direct result of the rapid digitalization of society and how we are yet to adapt to use it effectively and healthily for ourselves.
100 years ago, people smoked cigarettes constantly, oblivious to the cancerous causations this would lead to. This one example among myriads of times, even in recent history, we have blindly been following others in society unknowingly into life and societies' potential death traps.
It is far from outlandish to believe that currently omitted information surrounding the effects of technology could produce a similar change to society as that seen by the cigarette.
7, 1:20, Invisible
The wispiness of the vocals here really brings cherubs and otherworldly angels to picture in my mind. Especially during an isolated period such as that which we all feel today, it is so easy to feel invisible, sunken into matter, the past, and ourselves.
When mental destitution is the presiding external emotion of the world for such a lengthy period, it can become near impossible to keep the candle of hope, fullness, and light within all of us alight. Perhaps allowing it to extinguish for brief periods of time is a reasonable answer for some, but I truly fear how long it took me to light it within myself.
So yeah, in other words, this song hits the spot.
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| an entire playlist of Groupers' discography, my go-to bad day playlist. If you're ready for a spiral, check it |
8, 1:57, I'm Dragging a Dead Deer Up a Hill
In spite of the defects faced regarding physical isolation, I have ironically been trying to isolate my mind mentally in the last few months. Digitally, I am exhausted. I think we all are. Constant notifications, the buzzing of electric light through my brain, continuous open loops. I am really unsure whether humans are capable of sustaining their sanity with this much interaction with such a source.
Until printing press in the middle ages, we NEVER looked at anything so incessantly for such periods of our lives as we all do our various technological devices. How can we be so foolish to expect that these short term gains will not cause long term downfall? Yet, here I sit, typing my frustrations and ponderances onto a screen for the past hour. Hypocrisy.
10, 2:36, Wind and Snow
For the last 6 weeks, since the night of a short power cut in our neighbourhood, my room-neighbours' appliance (alarm clock I suspect) has been beeping ceaselessly every 3.2 seconds. Its sharp ring is a constant reminder of the challenges of life's anxiety and even my headphones, now glued to my head for protective measures from the annoying sound, are physical reminders of this.
It is strange how something like this can bother the mind so much. Why does the presence of sound disturb the mind, yet the emptiness of silence does not?
The whole transformation of soundwaves into continuous jolts in brainwaves is so... uneasily not understood to me. In fact, brains in general and our relationships with them are beyond uncanny. We aren't brains, yet all we know is within them.
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| dreamy |
11, 3:26, Tidal Wave
Sometimes, it can be hard to imagine within the physical paradigm of our lives where discoveries can be made. We have found a multitude of mysteries about the universe already; from fire to exploring earth and even understanding the universes trivial laws and driving forces. Physically, we are aware of injury and the necessity of immediate action to save us from the subsequential effects of this.
Yet, within the mental paradigm, we are barely capable of recognising the importance of our health enough to manage ourselves appropriately. Let alone the spiritual dimension. Is there still a discovery as "simple" as fire to be made here? And does innovation through science operate effectively within these exemplars, or is there a need for an alternative, undiscovered science? Hm.
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| Check out her repeating pattern artwork too! :) |
12, 2:46, We've All Gone To Sleep
And you should too, friend.
Good night x
Do check out Dragging a Dead Deer Up a Hill - Grouper. (great for spiralling, dancing alone, vulnerability, raw.exposed.spirit)
Tell Me What to Swallow | Crystal Castles
Smoke Signals | Phoebe Bridgers
Vapour Trails | Grouper
Daybed | FKA Twigs
I Need Some Sleep | Eels
00:45, 01/02/2021 (digit mean <1.5)
P.S
Hi! Jenko back again with another blog.
Have made a slight adjustment to the concept of this one.
Realised listening to long-ass songs isn't so sustainable & that I'd like to have a space to blog while chilling sleepily in my PJ's without feeling pressured by time of a song.
Basically, this is more self-therapy, the songs more aesthetic expression.
Sooo, what better way than to listen back through a full album by my favourite artist of all time
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